Want success? Quit those annoying habits

Author and executive coach Marshall Goldsmith says one flaw could easily hold back your career

What Got You Here Won't Get You There

Turns out I'm even more annoying than I thought.

If you were to come to me with a really cool idea, here's how I would react. "That's a really cool idea," I would say. "But what if you also did this? Have you thought about doing that?"

And then, in a stream of consciousness that would impress even Virginia Wolfe, I would tell you about some people you should really get together with.

I would go into great detail about a similar project that I did years ago. A website that's well worth checking out.

An article you should read that ran a few months back in Atlantic Monthly. Or was it The New Yorker?

For all these years, I assumed this was actually helpful and appreciated. That I was being useful and adding real value.

But no. Turns out I have one of the 20 most common workplace habits in need of breaking before it breaks my career.

While I think I'm doing you a real favour by splashing and rooting around in my fountain of knowledge, you're thinking what a jerk.

Your idea is now our idea. And all your passion and enthusiasm has just been sucked out of the room.

My suggestions may have improved your work by all of 5 per cent.

Your commitment to executing your idea has fallen 50 per cent or crashed and burned altogether.

"That's the fallacy of added value," says executive coach and author Marshall Goldsmith.

"Whatever we gain in the form of a better idea is lost many times over in our employees' diminished commitment to the concept."

So what should I do?

Goldsmith has a simple suggestion. When someone presents a really cool idea, I should say, "Hey, that's a really cool idea". And then I should just shut up.

Now how about those other 19 annoying habits of highly successful people? There's the need to win all the time. Passing judgment. Making destructive comments. Leading off every conversation with a no, but or however. Telling the world how smart you are. Speaking when angry.

Being negative and explaining why pretty much everything you haven't thought of won't work.

Withholding information. Failing to give proper recognition. Claiming credit that's undeserved. Making excuses. Clinging to the past. Playing favourites. Refusing to express regret.

Not listening. Failing to express gratitude. Punishing the messenger.

Passing the buck. Having an excessive need to be all about me. And an unhealthy obsession with goals, where we get so wrapped up in achieving our goal that we lose sight of a larger mission and forget our manners.

Why do otherwise bright people do such dumb things?

Goldsmith says it's easy to get deluded and blinded by success. We overestimate our strengths, believe we'll always be successful no matter how we behave and completely resist the idea of shoring up our weaknesses and eliminating our annoying habits.

But one flaw could easily prevent your career from being all upwards and onwards.

"All other things being equal, your people skills (or lack of them) become more pronounced the higher up you go. In fact, even when all things are not equal, your people skills often make the difference in how high you go."

The good news is there's an easy way to break these bad habits if you have the will. Just stop doing whatever is driving folks around you nuts.

"Given the choice between becoming a nicer person and ceasing to be a jerk, which do you think is easier to do? The former requires a concerted series of positive acts of commission. The latter is nothing more than an act of omission."

So instead of drawing up the usual self-improvement to-do list, start a to-stop list. With Goldsmith's help, you'll know exactly what behaviours to look for.